Of Antoh's "Wide Load" Love from the Lakeside byHussein Muchiri

OF ANTOH'S ''WIDE LOAD'' LOVE FROM THE LAKE SIDE

by Hussein Muchiri

Due to differing public opinion alias haters, I have given up chewing  roasted groundnuts (njugu karanga) as a pass-time activity. In fact, it's a sad demise of an old habit I picked up when I realized the use of my third, youngest and the shortest leg that my Creator placed on me, and doesn't help me in walking like the rest. You see, groundnuts will help you cover miles Yana tires cannot. If you want to last longer than Duracell batteries, groundnuts must be your pet twice daily. I speak out of experience. But as you know, every market has a mad man and every champion has that one person who won't relent from going from one witch doctor to another seeking their downfall.

So there is this girl who was our classmate back then. The girl was not exactly a Rihanna reincarnate, but she wasn't all that "bad" , especially if your ancestors have decided to punish your thuglife with a dryspell. Being from the lakeside, she had a similarity with Churchill Ndambuki, but i will say none since i do not wish to be enjoined to moses kuria in pangani cells. Her nose was wider than her chest, but do not mind; honeypot is the key. With buttocks larger than her dreams, who had time to look at noses anyway? Her signature was her 6months old wig, which had overstayed its welcome in her head. Rumours had it that if she shook her head, bees, wasps and cockroaches would come out  of it real quick. But let her wig be. As always said, truly, love is blind. Akinyi, as was the girls name, had a suicidal crush on Antoh. She would not shy declaring her sentiments at any chance available. For instance, if you asked her the way from point A to C, she would explain "you see that bench over there, the one that handsome antoh our classmate likes,just past it is the diversion to C".

According to access to all members of #Thuglife, she was qualified to warm antoh's bed, even if for the meantime before relocating to better pastures. Her only advantage was the backyard, while her shortcomings were several. Right from wearing  a shoe No.10 to eating a whole loaf of bread alone, to squeezing ugali dry with her hands. But we all know that love knows no distance. So one plus one plus another one, the two become an item.

Finals were that sunday when the premiere of their dating got official. Despite her black self, she had a sense of colours. Bright was her thing. So we scrubbed those dull walls of our hostel cubicle until they shone bright like diamonds in a jewel shop. Time consciously,  she arrived at 1.00pm, antoh welcomed her and we all pretended to busy and left one by one. 15minutes later, a sweet smell of coffee was hitting all neighbours' nostrils. Aroma of fried eggs followed. Salivation got the better of us and we moved closer to the celebrant, with a wish to just taste the delicacies.

We sat on tree trunks  10mtrs  away from the hostels. From the small cubicles came shreaks and male moans(nduru za mwanaume). We could have gone to rescue our guy, but on deliberation we agreed that one  carries their burden as per the rating of their muscles. We could all picture her lying on him, poor soul. After some moment of silence,they came out holding hands. The lady was all smiles. Antoh had his eyes sinking in the sockets like a malnourished kid, and in his other hand he had a walking stick. Unlike previous time, he was now walking with a limp and his spine was bent like an old man. We could not help but pity the lad walking the lady energylessly to the bus station. Truly, they looked like a mother and her sick son.
That evening, Antoh Murage's face-book post was "You leave me breathless." Robert Nderitu insisted it was a silent message, but who are we to judge?

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Whatever happened in the dark room 10, its only we who witnessed can tell. But to have it from the horse mouth is better.  Antoh will have to write what happened or i will be oblidged to write part 2